In the run up to the birth of our eagerly awaited daughter, my wife and  I did  what  I expect everyone else does - ask questions, read books, join a local NCT group, even watched the odd birth programme on Living TV. However, nothing can truly prepare you for the actual 'event' itself. Allow me to explain.

Our daughter, Marcie, had decided that life was far more enjoyable inside mummy’s tummy and had stubbornly stayed there 2 weeks past her supposed due date. The decision was made for an induction even though the doctor was still convinced she would arrive naturally. The day arrived with still no sign of our reluctant offspring so I took my wife Debbie to hospital to begin our new life.

Like all organised parents we had a bag of important items that we had been told were vital to the birth process. I think it was what the average family would take on a two week camping holiday:  music; hired TENS machine (never used); clothes; books;  wipes, nappies etc. etc. and not forgetting the mythically important birth plan. Ah the birth plan!  As I recall, this was our guide to a wonderful, stress free birth that we would sit down and discuss with the midwife over tea and ginger nuts possibly whilst listening to a selection of relaxing music that we had been recommended to take. As far as I  can remember the birth plan lay unread at the bottom of the bag to be discovered a few weeks later, its final fate was either being eaten or pooed on by Marcie, I can't remember which.

You see once you arrive at the hospital the truth is you become part of a medical process which is, essentially controlled by the hospital itself. I know some people won't like me saying that but it’s my experience. Now you may say - 'but you should have made them talk to you about the birth!' All good in theory but when there are only a few staff working, already dealing with births, working within their own procedures and added to the fact, that, to be brutally honest, we both wanted to get it over with (I know pregnancy can be a wonderful experience - but trust me, having the child with you is much, much better!). So for better or worse we put ourselves in their hands.

Oh, I forgot to mention it actually took us 15 minutes to get into the hospital as when we arrived we were told they were 'booked' up! So for awhile it was like being outside a surreal nightclub with a bouncer dressed as a nurse insisting 'your names not down - you're not coming in' only to discover she was reading the wrong list and begrudgingly accepted that they were going to deliver our baby that night. So I stayed with Debs for as long as I could hide from the medical staff.

I think I left about 10.30pm and went home with Debs telling me she'd call me in the morning as the midwife felt that Marcie would take about another 12 hours or so. At 4am the phone rang to tell, in a matter of fact way, that my wife was 8cm and I needed to get to the hospital now. Yes - it did take me a few minutes to remember the 8cm thing and it meant that things were going quite quick. I rushed there, taking my sister with me to also be with us for the birth.

And so the birth began for me (Debs had of course been actively involved for a couple of hours!!!). I have yet to speak to a father who has not, in some way, been distressed at what is happening to their wife/partner. Always remember you are entering their (midwifes) world and we do seem to be more of a hindrance than a help.  We get in the way,  we forget the breathing, we knock things over (heart  monitor in my case,) we say the wrong things and why do we do these things? Because birth itself can be traumatic. We have no control, we are in an emotional mess, we want our baby safe and in our arms - but please we also want our wife/partner to stop being in pain.

The finale - well for 2 hours all seemed ok. Josephine, our midwife (who was a total star) was happy and then suddenly she went pale, muttered about getting a doctor and disappeared.  Within a minute from there being Josephine and us there were 5 variously dressed medical staff and the room had changed from controlled process to a scene from Casualty. If this happens to you my advice is fade into the background and let them do their jobs. Don't ask questions, keep out of  the way and above all don't get out your birth plan and refer them to point 3 or similar. If there is a problem that is what they are there for.

The trouble is when a problem arises - in our case Marcie was stuck and basically running out of energy to get out - you become involved in an operation.  Now I don't know about you,  but that is something I never wanted to watch as entertainment - let alone be a part of. Remember that their only thought is to get the baby out - at this point you will feel at your most helpless.

Marcie was pulled out with a ventouse - I  think that is what it was though it looked more like a large spatula with a plunger attached . Now the other thing you are not told or you forget is that there is blood  Please men, be aware there will be an large amount of gore.  However,  Marcie was safely delivered and hearing her cry was the most magical sound we have ever heard - yes there were moments when we were really worried but it was ok as I held my beautiful daughter.

She’s now 2 and I'm lucky enough to be the main carer. Debs works full time and I love being with her. Immediately after the birth we wondered whether we could go though it again - but of course time moves on and we really only  think about holding her after the birth. As Debs says the birth is a single event which ends and you get an amazing little person to join you.

Thanks for reading - hope your births go well.

PS - For anyone reading this who says we could have had the birth at  home - well we thought about it and did watch a video at an NCT group - it  was fine until the couple went to B & Q to buy a roll of industrial strength plastic sheeting - we decided we'd be happier at hospital!